The Lie of More

12 Mar

The Lie of more. Self improvement for status gain, material possessions, significance the list goes on.

The "lie of more" refers to the societal belief that accumulating more possessions, wealth, or status will bring happiness or fulfillment. This idea is often promoted through advertising and consumer culture, but research suggests it often leads to increased stress, anxiety, and a relentless pursuit of what is ultimately unattainable. Here's a more detailed look: False Promise: The "lie of more" implies that acquiring more things will magically solve life's problems or make someone feel better.

In reality, this is a superficial approach to well-being that can leave individuals feeling empty and unfulfilled. Comparison: The "lie of more" is fueled by social comparison, where individuals constantly measure their lives against others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a desire for more. Satiety: Research suggests that our brains are wired to quickly adapt to material possessions. Once we acquire something, the initial excitement fades, and we crave something new to recapture that feeling. Stress and Anxiety: The relentless pursuit of "more" can contribute to increased stress, anxiety, and even mental health issues as individuals struggle to keep up with the demands of modern consumer culture.

Beyond Materialism: Instead of chasing "more," it's important to cultivate a sense of contentment, appreciation for the present moment, and focus on experiences, relationships, and personal growth. Expand on this in regards to what I am talking and writing about. This is going to be a linkedIn article in making people realise that the boundries need to be set - some goal posts are changing and that the end will never be in sight. It is an illusion.

There’s a silent script many of us have been following our entire lives—without question, without pause. It goes something like this:

“Work harder. Earn more. Upgrade your life. Then you’ll be happy.”

It’s sold to us through advertising, echoed in our workplaces, and reinforced on social media. More productivity, more prestige, more possessions. It looks like progress—but for many of us, it’s become a prison.

This is the lie of more—the belief that accumulating status, wealth, or recognition will eventually lead to deep satisfaction. But for high-functioning professionals, especially men in their 30s to 50s who’ve stayed disciplined, provided for others, and ticked every societal box… that promised “arrival point” keeps moving.

Here’s what I’ve seen and lived:

🔹 The False Promise

We chase “more” thinking it will fix what feels off inside—restlessness, discontent, or lack of control. But no amount of external gain solves internal misalignment. That’s why so many outwardly successful men still feel trapped.

🔹 The Comparison Trap

Social media and workplace hierarchies condition us to compare—who’s earning more, who’s driving what, who’s ahead. But someone else’s highlight reel isn’t a map to your meaning.

🔹 Hedonic Adaptation

Science confirms what we already feel: the dopamine spike from “new” fades quickly. The house, the car, the title—all become the new normal, and the craving for more resumes.

🔹 The Cost of Never-Enough

Burnout. Anxiety. Fractured relationships. A life optimized for achievement but detached from presence. I’ve worked alongside hundreds of professionals and first responders—many of us are silently exhausted from trying to outrun an invisible finish line.

So where do we go from here?

This isn’t a call to give up. It’s a call to wake up.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re already feeling the shift. The realization that the goalposts will always move. That chasing significance outside yourself leads to dependency, not freedom.

The antidote isn’t passivity—it’s clarity and control.

Set your own boundaries.
Redefine what success looks like now—not based on what you were told at 25.
Reclaim mental and emotional regulation as your true power.
Prioritize depth over scale, autonomy over applause.

Because at some point, the question isn’t “What can I get?”
It becomes: “What am I trading away to keep chasing?”

The illusion is seductive. But choosing to step off the hamster wheel is where real strength lives.

Would you like me to turn this into a LinkedIn-ready carousel post, newsletter edition, or turn it into a video script next?

The Lie of More—A Deeper Cut

Below is an expanded, research-anchored exploration of why “more” rarely satisfies, how the treadmill keeps speeding up, and what credible thinkers—from Stoic philosophers to modern neuroscientists—suggest we do instead.

1. Why “More” Became Our Default Setting

MechanismWhat it DoesKey SourcesConsumer CapitalismPost-WWII Western economies tied growth to ever-rising consumption. Advertising reframed wants as needs, turning status symbols into social proof.Kasser’s High Price of Materialism MIT Press DirectMimetic DesireWe copy other people’s wants more than we generate our own. Social media amplifies this imitation into global feedback loops.Luke Burgis, Wanting Calvin RosserSocial Comparison TheoryWe gauge our worth relative to peers. Higher visibility of elite lifestyles fuels chronic “upward comparison.”Festinger (classic research), Schwartz Paradox of Choice WikipediaHedonic AdaptationPleasure spikes from new acquisitions decay quickly; we recalibrate and crave the next hit.Recent spending-variety study (2024) BioMed Central

2. The Data-Backed Backfire

Materialism ↔ Lower Well-Being. Cross-cultural surveys show people who place high importance on wealth, image, and status report more anxiety and less life satisfaction, even after controlling for income. MIT Press Direct
Easterlin Paradox 2.0. At any single moment richer individuals tend to be happier, but rising national GDP stops translating into extra happiness once basic needs are met—confirmed again in a 150-country update (2009-2019). LSE Research Online
Success Addiction. Harvard’s Arthur C. Brooks calls the compulsion to keep outperforming “the cocaine of accomplishment”: each win raises the bar and squeezes out relationships, health, and meaning. Psychology Today
Decision Fatigue & Choice Overload. An explosion of options (careers, investments, streaming shows, dating apps) erodes satisfaction and increases regret. Wikipedia

3. Where This Fits a Mid-Career High-Performer

For men 34-57—financially stable yet restless—the Lie of More often plays out as:

Moving Goalposts: Promotions or pay bumps feel great for days, then normalize.
Lifestyle Creep: Bigger mortgage, better car, private schooling—each “upgrade” locks in new fixed costs, narrowing optionality.
Identity Tied to Output: Self-worth becomes a scoreboard, making any slowdown feel like failure.

The net effect is autonomy erosion: you own more stuff but have less control over time, attention, and emotional state—the exact opposite of freedom.

4. Debunking the Illusion—Lessons from Multiple Disciplines

Perspective Core Insight Take-Home Practice Stoicism (Seneca, On the Shortness of Life)“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”Negative visualization: imagine losing what you already have to re-sensitize appreciation.Self-Determination Theory (Ryan & Deci)Long-term happiness comes from autonomy, competence, and relatedness—values undermined by extrinsic status chasing. ScienceDirectRe-audit goals: tag each as intrinsic vs. extrinsic and cut/replace accordingly.Finite vs. Infinite Games (Carse)Finite games chase titles and trophies; infinite games pursue continued play and growth. WikipediaReframe career as an infinite game—optimize for learning, not merely winning.Harvard Study of Adult DevelopmentThe clearest predictor of late-life happiness isn’t wealth; it’s quality relationships. Harvard Medicine MagazineSchedule “social fitness” like workouts—weekly deliberate connection rituals.Digital Minimalism (Newport)Pulling attention off algorithmic platforms frees cognitive capacity for high-value tasks and presence. Cal Newport30-day digital declutter followed by selective re-introduction.

5. Putting Boundaries Back in Place

Define “Enough.”
- Assign a target lifestyle cost and work hour cap. Anything beyond finances an opportunity fund or time-off buffer.
Conduct a Joy-to-Maintenance Audit.
- List possessions, commitments, subscriptions. Score each for joy delivered vs. upkeep demanded. Eliminate net-negative items.
Experiment with Voluntary Scarcity.
- Quarterly no-buy month or minimalist challenge; anxiety at the start often flips to relief by week two.
Adopt a Barbell of Experiences.
- Mix deliberate hardship (ultra-running, cold exposure) with deep rest (nature retreats, unplugged weekends) to reset reward circuitry.
Shift Metrics from Having to Becoming.
- Track skills mastered, hours present with family, people helped, or creative outputs instead of net worth alone.
Institutionalize Reflection.
- Weekly review: “Did my actions align with my declared enough?” Course-correct early before drift becomes trench.

6. The Bigger Frame—From Degrowth to Personal Sovereignty

Macro-economists now debate post-growth models where well-being, not consumption, is the KPI. On the micro level, reclaiming sovereignty over desire loops is the same pivot—from extractive to regenerative living.

“Because at some point, the question isn’t ‘What can I get?’ It becomes ‘What am I trading away to keep chasing?’”

When you re-anchor success to autonomy, mastery, and connection, the finish line stops moving. You step off the treadmill and onto a path you actually chose.